“We had a nice dinner and then we broke up…”

Which is essentially what happened.

Boyfriend turned 35 and I took him to dinner. Nevermind that when my birthday rolled around, nothing was done for me. I was sick that weekend and he brought me some chicken strips and hung out with me. I suppose the gift of his time was my present, considering that was one of the last times we truly hung out.

Anyhoo, we went to dinner, back to my house and had a nice time. And then as per usual, the weekend was creeping up and my time wasn’t being requested. He wasn’t being busy but making sure we could see each other at least once. He seemed perfectly cool with going the entire weekend not seeing each other. Mind you, we don’t see each other M-Thurs because of his classes and labs. By the time the weekend hits, why are you not pacing my front porch on Friday night waiting to see me?

I dunno. But I keep meeting this guy. And I don’t know if it’s them or me. But since it keeps happening the same way, I’m inclined to think it is me.

Maybe my standards are too high.

Maybe I require more time than a woman in her late 30’s looking for more than a roll in the hay and a ‘hey thanks girl’ should require.

Maybe I’m nuts and I drive them away.

I have no clue because I don’t get  debrief. ‘Here’s what you did that made me not want to hang out with you: A,B C; X,Y,Z.”  They just disappear. Fade away.

So the title is what I told my work friend. We went out to dinner. And then we broke up. There was, of course, more involved… a few long text convos. A request to call me so we could talk it out. A refusal to call.

And no call since.

So I am done. I’m happy I never slept with him. I don’t really miss him. How could I? We were hardly ever together.

I’ve gathered all my wit and charm and put an ad up at POF. Ya’ll know the place. I really hate EHarmony (I think it’s a scam and not any better at matching. Some of the men there don’t need to pay $60 a month to be matched by a 200 point questionnaire. They need THERAPY. GAH.) I am not a big fan of match and as Sarah recently found out, you can never ever delete your profile from match. Really? Wow that’s just fantastic. That’s how they can brag that they have 60million people on their site.

Match.com- you can check out but you can never leave.

So yeah, POF. I was immediately emailed by a guy I went out with once. He was unkempt, his breath reeked, and he spent all of dinner complaining about one thing or another. I refused to go out with him again and he’s been trying to get me to go out again ever since. Sir? Sir. No. Give it up.

Let us see what this round of Adventures in Online Dating brings. I’ve already sunk to the depths of shallow– I got a message, looked at the photo, read the profile, didn’t even read the message. No interest in what he had to say, I knew I would never meet him.

I’m totally being picky this time, I told my bestie. Don’t live anywhere near me? NOPE. Kids? NOPE. NegativeNed profile? NO! I’m looking for chemistry and a connection and I am tired of being understanding and gracious. I want what I want when I want it……..or I don’t want it at all.

Me and Bestie have already named our Old Lady Cats. We ain’t scared o’ nothin’.

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What I’m currently being patient about…

I am old. Okay, 39. Boyfriend just turned 35.  I am the oldest of three. He is an only child.  He also hadn’t dated in a few years before he met me, so it’s been all about him for a very long time. Herein lies our problem.  He’s not used to thinking about anyone else. And it’s pissing me off.

I work in Corporate America where people who make 3x’s what I make ask me how to use the copier. My whole life is thinking about other people, managing other people’s schedules. And I suppose I thought, when you care about someone and declare those feelings and decide that you want to have a relationship with that person, that that person’s thoughts and needs sort of wrap into yours and become considered. Apparently 35 yrs of single-mindedness takes more than 2 months to work itself out.

I am working hard on being patient and letting him do the work. If I have to constantly push him to go where I want this to go, then it’s not US moving forward, it’s me pushing him. At least that’s how it seems in my mind. This is our second go-round. He asked for a second chance and said he would do the work, so I am trying to let that happen. Am I allowed to complain that the work isn’t getting done in MY timeline? No?

I found someone I like and I want to spend time with. Lots of time with. I met someone who has a lot of stuff going on. Full time work, two classes, his mother lives two hours away and she likes to see him often. There’s a lot of things pulling at his time and attention and I don’t want to be yet another nag. At the same time….. I am dating someone I feel deeply about, who says he feels deeply about me and yet I spend so much time at home. By myself. Yes, I have a life and I hang out with friends and do random things but when those things are all done and taken care of, I want to spend some time with my honey. What is the sense in dating someone but I spend prime dating time at home or trying to fill the time with friends? Fuck hobbies, I want to see my damn boyfriend.

So my newest nit is that I have to ask him about his plans for the weekend and when I am going to see him. He doesn’t request my time. He tells me when he can fit me in. I DO NOT LIKE THAT.

He said to me, well I need to fix my car this weekend. I was going to see you Saturday morning.

Dude……you can keep your leftovers. I’m supposed to get up early to see and spend time with you for a few hours? All weekend? Me no happy.

I don’t know. A lot of days I feel like we could last forever. But a LOT of days I wonder if I shouldn’t just jump back into the pool, find someone who has his shit together and some time for me.

I WANT THIS TO WORK.

But I can’t be the only one working.

I KNOW I NEED TO BE PATIENT AND NOT RUSH IT.

But what if we’re moving at a snails pace toward nothing?